I was thinking today about something I learned the hard way and how I wish someone had taught me what to look for earlier in my career. Then it occurred to me that perhaps I could perform that service for others.
He Hates Me!
Have you ever found yourself in a situation where someone important where you work doesn’t seem to like you very much? I have. In fact, at my first real programming job (programming in Pick of all things) my manager’s boss obviously had a hard time with me. I would hear from my manager that her boss was concerned that I wasn’t "cutting it" and that I should make sure I highlight my accomplishments when we interacted. And there were definitely a couple of times when he cut me pretty short shrift.
Since then, I’ve been in other situations where someone important seems to have prejudged me in some way that is, at the least, inaccurate, and at worst potentially career limiting.
That experience left me insecure enough that I went looking for a new job. I knew I was better than the raise I wasn’t getting and programmers were very scarce then. I found a position that paid better and where I had more responsibility (though still programming in Pick). This turned out to be a good move because it let me leave on good terms with the company I was at.
Going Detective
Since there was such a pronounced disconnect between what I considered reality and the perception of others at the company, I decided to dig a little. After a couple of months, I approached some of the insiders there. I asked them what their perception of my work had been, if or when it had changed, and what they thought of me leaving as I did. This turned out to be an instructive exercise.
Long story short, it seems that my manager, the one that I thought was on my side and happy with my work, had been denigrating me in meetings with her superiors. A project couldn’t be completed in the desired timeframe, for example, not because the project was complex but because I couldn’t handle the requirements.
Here’s the Scoop
Since this happened, I’ve seen subtler indications of the same pattern. The thing I eventually came to realize is that work relationships, unlike pretty much any other, start off in the black. When someone hires you for a job, they do so with the conviction that you can do the work required. Any manager or company grand poobah that you interact with will be prejudiced in your favor initially as a result. The instinct is to validate the hire decision.
Relationships with company managers start off without all the typical prejudices we deal with in more social circles—not because managers are nicer, fairer people but because they worked those prejudices out before hiring you (or trusting others to hire you for them). Indeed, your immediate supervisor’s attitude should be the default attitude towards you for all company higher ups.
Which is why, when someone you don’t work with treats you differently than your immediate supervisor does, it should send up a major red flag. They are almost certainly getting feedback that you aren’t privy to. Finding out what that feedback is and where it is coming from could be vital to your career. Expending a little effort and/or political capital can head off major pain headed your way.
What I’m saying is that a negative attitude has to be generated. It is not innate. It comes from somewhere and had to overcome an initial positive bias in order to become strong enough for you to perceive.
Caveats and Addendum
Any one of the following could probably be its own post but here are some things to keep in mind.
- I’m not saying that you should go looking for indications that people hate you. Insecurity breeds reasons to be insecure. If the disconnect manifests, though, be aware that the fault probably isn’t in your professional conduct and no amount of "trying harder" is going to be useful.
- When you screw up (and you will screw up), expect to see that show up in the attitude of your manager and possibly in higher ups (depending on the severity and scope of your screw up). If, over time, you cannot reaffirm the good sense your manager had to hire you in the first place, it’s probably a good time to look for a new job. If, over time, you cannot regain that good attitude in higher ups, it probably means your manager isn’t communicating well. How you handle that depends on the manager. My tendency, however, is to nudge my manager to repair the damage for me because I’m in no position to do so myself. Just letting it go is a bad idea because your manager is letting bad impressions accumulate.
- When you come into a company, you enter as part of a group. There will be prejudices between groups so expect to see that manifest. Marketing managers aren’t going to like programmers. Adjust accordingly.
- Oh, and there is a very small possibility that you are simply a jerk. If every new job ends up with you experiencing prejudice, misunderstandings, and outright betrayal, you might want to take a closer look at that pattern. Close inspection will reveal that the common denominator in all those situations is you...